Seven Steps on How to Get Yourself A Girlfriend

Man scratching his head

If you're reading this, it seems like you're ready to stop being single. Maybe you haven't been on many dates, making you unsure how to talk to girls. You might feel lost about where to start.

Alternatively, your eagerness to find a girlfriend might drive potential matches away. In this article, we'll explain why you might still be single, where you can meet a girlfriend, and provide clear steps on how to get a girlfriend.

We believe in our advice because it comes from true experiences shared by men who were once in your shoes and are now happily paired up.

We'll give you clear steps that have helped many men secure the relationship they wanted. Think of today as the beginning of your journey to finding a girlfriend.

Can’t get a girlfriend? Here’s why:

Not trying enough

You can’t get a girlfriend. It’s not because you can’t find a woman or simply can’t get one to like you. Dude, there are reasons why—actual, quantifiable reasons. Here are some of them:

1. You are not trying enough

If you stay home all the time and don’t socialize, you really won’t get a girlfriend. You can’t expect to have one without doing the work. Maybe you’re too focused on your career that you don’t give time to look for one or to keep a relationship. Regardless, you are not trying enough, and that stops you even before you begin the search for a girlfriend.

2. You lack personality, rich experiences, and confidence

Appearance attracts, personality keeps. Even if you have stunning looks, if you are boring, it’s likely that you won’t get to keep the girl. Having no interesting story to share would not keep a woman on her toes, draining your last ounce of confidence. And confidence is very important for a man to have as it is linked to sex appeal. Sexual appeal is not really about being attractive. It’s is all about confidence—it is just amplified if you have good looks.

3. You don’t want to make the first move

Especially if you are average looking with an average personality, you have to be proactive in making the first move. More often than not, when women flirt, they won’t keep going if they see that the guy is too shy or nervous. It will send them the signal that you’re not into them; thus, they leave and move on. Most women would not give you several opportunities to flirt back, especially if you just met!

4. You are a pervert

Dude, didn’t your mom teach you how to behave? As with any other human being, women should be respected too and not be treated as if they were objects. Stop with the catcalling and the whistling; those are only for calling your pets. And most importantly, keep your hands to yourself when the situation does not call for it. Trust us, ever since the beginning of time, perverts never get the girl.

No social proof

5. You have no social proof

The social proof of a man increases attraction, awe, and pride. It is a turn off when a man has no friends. Chances are when you don’t have social proof; women would think “oh no, if I date this guy, he will be around me 24/7!” and no woman wants that.

It doesn’t mean that you have to be friends with the wealthy crowd or the cool kids. It merely means that you need to have friends.

6. You don’t know how to talk to a woman

Do you tend to say the wrong thing to a woman causing her to run off even before you even start flirting? Don’t talk to a woman as if she’s one of your bros, especially if you just met. She will take it the wrong way.

7. You are too needy

You need to understand that you should allow a woman to have her personal time and space. Clinginess is a major turn-off. You should still have a life outside a relationship, as women would like to have the same.

8. You don’t care for yourself

Grooming and proper hygiene are very important to have if you are trying to get a woman to pay attention to you. Nobody likes to go out on a date with a smelly slob! Get a haircut, groom your beard, wear deodorant, brush your teeth. It’s a basic requirement that you actually do this even if you’re not looking for a girlfriend.

No picture of love

9. You don’t really have a real picture of love and a female soulmate in your head

If you don’t understand what a healthy working relationship is, it’s nearly impossible for you to have a girlfriend just yet. Maybe you’re still stuck in your teenage years where you don’t like working for something, or you always want to get your way.

Perhaps you’re still prideful, or you still have the notion that it’s always you who should call the shots.

Wake up, boy! A healthy relationship is a two-way street.

10. You don’t see women as human beings

Now you might be afraid of approaching a woman because you fear you don’t understand them. You don’t know what to talk about women or how to behave in their presence. So instead, you make silly jokes with your buddies. Well, let me tell you something, buddy, that just shows your insecurity and will get you nowhere.

Women are not aliens. They are living, breathing, thinking humans beings just like you. Believe it or not, they will understand whatever that comes from your mouth. Let’s just hope it’s appropriate enough that you won’t get slapped on the face.

11. You have zero dating experience

Having zero dating experience can be quite a roadblock. It’s because you don’t know of dating rules, and you don’t even know where to start. Don’t worry; this article will change that.

12. You get little to no matches on dating apps.

When it comes to dating apps, women are more discerning with the people that they match with than men. On average, women will pass on 95% of their options while men would only pass on 47%. Out of 100 guys, women will only like five and match with one. When you don't get many matches, the first natural reaction would be to think that you are undesirable, thus thinking there is no hope and eventually giving up on putting yourself out there.

What some people might fail to grasp is that online dating is essentially a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely it is that you would find a match. If you are not finding any success, it has no bearing on your worth as a man and what you can bring to the relationship.

Not only this but a lot of male profiles on dating apps appeal to the male gaze instead of the female gaze. Most male profiles show off their cars or the fish they caught. While that might appeal to other men, it just won't cut it for women. There is a huge chance you might come across as a braggart or be stereotyped as the common jock. 

7 sure-fire steps in landing the girl of your dreams

Getting a girlfriend should not be so difficult. You can smoothly get one if you follow these seven steps:

Step 1 on getting a girlfriend

Step # 1: It all starts with you

Before you get yourself a girlfriend, you have to man up and be confident. So build your personality and overall image to be the man that you want her to see. Here are some things you can do to do that:

Get active with your passion. What is it that you like doing? Whatever it is, just keep doing it and become even better at it. When you have fun, it will surely make you 10x more attractive, we’re telling you.

Get a life and get rich stories. Doing what you like doing and traveling to experience new cultures make rich and interesting stories. So put yourself out there and experiencing new things.

Step # 2: Step outside and look for girls

The next thing you need to do is to step outside your house. You won’t get a girlfriend at the four corners of your home. Go to where the girls are.

Be aware of where girls hang out. There are girls everywhere. But if you need a list of where exactly you can find them, just check out this section of the review.

Expand your network. Meeting new people from social events and gatherings immediately expands your network. Sign up for gym or club memberships, or classes that are aligned with your passion. You could also switch up the usual places you go to. Maybe try going to a different grocery store. You could also do some solo traveling—that’s a great way to meet new people.

Make dating apps your friends. Everyone is online. The best way to meet and connect with other singles is through dating apps. Most men have trouble getting women to be interested. Just be you and make her laugh. Once you have made that connection, you can proceed to ask her about herself. If you've talked for more than an hour and you still continue to talk for the next few days, then perhaps, you can try asking her out on a date. 

Always be ready wherever you are. Always be prepared to flirt wherever you are. That means always make yourself presentable when going outside. Don’t shy or look the other way when you see a woman who’s showing interest. Just always be ready to share your name and do some small talk all the time. Sometimes, life only comes to surprise you and ushers you to meet your future soulmate.

Step 3 on how to get a girlfriend

Step # 3: Position your target

Like a sniper, lock your target. Now your approach depends on the situation and the place where you are.

For instance, if you’re at a bar, you could buy her a drink. If you see her in the park during your morning run, you could make small talk about the weather or the great outdoors. If you know her from class, draw up a casual conversation about how the class went. If you meet her through an online dating site, establish the acquaintance first before asking her out on a real date.

But regardless of wherever you are, once you see a woman that you like, build up the courage and have a conversation with her. Holding a strong eye contact is first and foremost, important. Keep focus on her eyes with breaks from time-to-time – you can look at her hands, her smile, or her hair. 

Here are some tips on how you can get yourself ready for these kinds of situations:

Practice talking to women. You could talk to a lot of girls first before striking up a conversation with a woman that you like. This way, you’re already full of practice and won’t be nervous anymore.

Equip yourself with pick up lines. Pick Up Lines are good openers to introduce yourself to a woman you want to get to know.

Have some conversation starters ready. Sometimes, the woman you go up to are not so good at small talk, so it’s best if you’re ready to be the control the conversation. You can start by asking her if she’s working on anything exciting lately, or simply by asking her how her day was.

Don’t run out of things to say. Learn to listen to what she says and comment or share your input when she pauses. Be inquisitive and show interest in her stories by asking appropriate questions.

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Step # 4: Get the date

So you’ve already talked to the woman you want to go on a date with. If you felt a connection, you could tell her that you would like to see her again and ask for her number. If she gives it to you, you could send her a message that same night or the following day. Just ask her how she’s doing, and you can be text buddies first.

Then when you know you she’s comfortable, ask her out. You can simply ask her if she’s free on this day. You could do this through text if you met somewhere random. You can also do it face-to-face, especially if you regularly see her (e.g. class, gym, etc.).

Plan the dateThe date you plan depends on the interests of the woman you want to take out. By this time, she would’ve shared with you some of her interests. You may know anything about her, except if you didn’t pay attention.

Don’t take rejection too hard. When a woman is interested in you, if she’s not free at the time you requested, she will suggest a different time. But when she outright says no, then need to respect that. Woo her some more, amp up your flirt game. Show her your good intentions.

Step 5 on getting a girlfriend

Step # 5: Have the date

A nice dinner out is always a good first date idea. You get to know each other as you have your meal, and see if there are enough connection and chemistry for you guys to start dating. After dinner, you could go out for some drinks in the nearby pub—this is a nice way to loosen up your inhibitions and get even closer.

Some tips we would like to impart on you to make the date successful:

Look dapper. Take the time and effort to clean yourself up. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, dress appropriately. Appearance is a big factor on the first date.

Mind your manners. Rude men don’t get to have the second date. Listen when she speaks, and also share stories to keep the conversation going.  Be polite—don’t speak with your mouth full.

Gauge compatibility. A first date usually lets you evaluate if you are compatible with your date. It allows you to asses if you have enough chemistry to have a 2nd date. Most of the time, you can’t really force someone to like you, and vice-versa.

Step # 6: Explore your chemistry in bed (optional)

When there is chemistry, there will be sexual tension. You may not feel it on the first date (but possible too), but you will eventually and it would lead you to bed. You have to be mindful if she’s also feeling the same thing. Be aware of her body language and the hints she’s dropping.

Do it when the time is right. You have to be careful when and how frequently you do it. You want a girlfriend, not a friend with benefit. It may be best to do it after three or more dates so that you could show your intentions to her.

Don’t leave before she wakes up. If you want her to be your girlfriend, make her breakfast in the morning. Show to her that it’s not just the sex you’re after.

Frequent vanilla sex often leads to emotional attachment. Sex is a significant milestone in a relationship, and compatibility in bed is essential. The more often you engage in sexual activity that is rooted in passion and attraction, the more likely you can convert her to being your girlfriend.

Step 7 on how to get a girlfriend

Step # 7: From dating to girlfriend

Spending time together helps you learn more about each other and eventually increases relationship points. You get to see all sides of the woman you’re dating and see if she has the qualities you’re looking for. Falling in love happens when you spend time together. It results from great conversations, joyful moments and experiences, and eventually, the feeling of being secured.

Become self-aware of your true feelings. Before you ask her to become your girlfriend officially, you should first be clear of your feelings for her. Playing with a girl is not cool, ever. If you’re just stringing her along because it’s convenient having

someone, but you’re not really falling in love, then she shouldn’t be your girlfriend. She can be your best friend.

But when you want to spend every minute with her, when it is her you think about first when you have little wins in life, then that means that you are already falling in love with her. When you’re you want to commit and you know she’s also ready, go for it and ask.

Ask her to be your girlfriend. Now it depends on the woman’s personality if you think there should be a proposal involved. Yet it’s not like you’re asking her to marry you, so you could also do it more casually.

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Places where you can find your future girlfriend

There are many options and places where you can look for a girlfriend. You can meet a woman anywhere! You just have to keep your eyes open whenever you leave your home and be ready to flirt wherever you are. Do you hear me?

Places to find women

But okay, some of us guys want to know the specifics. So here are specific places or situations where you can possibly find a girlfriend:

1. Places where women go to

You can find women everywhere. Well, except for the places where the place is exclusive to men like the men’s restroom or men-only clubs. It is highly likely for you to meet a woman in regular places such as public transport, parks, mall, club, bars, and even in your workplace. You just need to be confident enough—not in the aggressive, creepy way—to approach a woman, and be ready to start a conversation.

2. Social events and gatherings

Parties in your local neighborhood and get-togethers thrown by your friends are great places where you can meet women. The best event to meet a potential girlfriend is none other than weddings. More often than not, weddings make singles feel like they also want to experience the love they see on the married couple. All the feelings are heightened, and so, women make relatively easier targets.

Also, if you can find a speed dating event near you, try attending one. The women you meet at speed dating events are also looking for a boyfriend, so that alone should increase your chances of landing a girlfriend.

3. Through friends and family connections

Do you know those aunts who always try to set you up for a blind date? You should take them up on that. The people who try to arrange a date for you—a friend or a family member—almost always set you up with women who they know will connect with you. They do have your best interests at heart, so just go with the flow and meet the women they introduce.

4. Online dating sites

An online dating site is an excellent platform to meet girls and potentially find your girlfriend. This could be even more beneficial if you don't dare to talk to a woman face-to-face, or if you're looking for a woman with a specific race or religion, or maybe if you have no means to take her out on a date (you should work on this if you want to get a girlfriend).

There are different categories of dating sites you can choose from. It depends on what kind of relationship you are looking for. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, Matchmaker sites are good. If you're looking for something more casual and fun, you can try Casual Dating sites. Or, if you don't want the commitment of creating a profile just yet, you can start using any of these Dating Sites first.

5. Hobbies and Interest Groups

Join clubs or groups that align with your hobbies and interests, such as a hiking group, a photography club, or a cooking class.

6. Work or School

You may meet someone at work or school who becomes a potential girlfriend. Utilize opportunities to socialize and network with your coworkers or classmates.

7. Volunteer Work

Volunteer for a cause you're passionate about and meet like-minded individuals who may become potential girlfriends. Author Chris Pleines
Chris Pleines
Founder of Dating Scout and Author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies"
Chris founded Dating Scout 15 years ago, and today he is one of the leading Online Dating Experts. He is the author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies" and the author of the Internet's largest online dating study analyzing 20 Million Profile Pictures with artificial intelligence. Chris Pleines holds a master degree in media science and appeared in numerous television interviews and publications to give expert advice as well as tips about online dating.